// JavaScript Document
var newWindow = null;

function closeWin(){
	if (newWindow != null){
		if(!newWindow.closed)
			newWindow.close();
	}
}

function popUpWin(url, type, strWidth, strHeight){
	
	closeWin();
	
	if (type == "fullScreen"){
		strWidth = screen.availWidth - 10;
		strHeight = screen.availHeight - 160;
	}
	
	var tools="";
	if (type == "standard" || type == "fullScreen") tools = "resizable,toolbar=yes,location=yes,scrollbars=yes,menubar=yes,width="+strWidth+",height="+strHeight+",top=0,left=0";
	if (type == "console") tools = "resizable,toolbar=no,location=no,scrollbars=1,width="+strWidth+",height="+strHeight+",left=0,top=0";
	newWindow = window.open(url, 'newWin', tools);
	newWindow.focus();
}


function popUp(strURL,strType,strHeight,strWidth) {
var strOptions="";
if (strType=="console") strOptions="resizable,scrollbars,height="+strHeight+",width="+strWidth;
if (strType=="fixed") strOptions="status,height="+strHeight+",width="+strWidth;
if (strType=="elastic") strOptions="toolbar,menubar,scrollbars,resizable,location,height="+strHeight+",width="+strWidth;
window.open(strURL, 'newWin', strOptions);
}
var Quotation=new Array() 

Quotation[0] = "\"Dying is a very dull, dreary affair and my advice to you is to have nothing to do with it.\" Somerset Maugham";
Quotation[1] = "\"It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.\" Woody Allen";
Quotation[2] = "\"The trouble with heart disease is that the first symptom is often hard to deal with - sudden death.\"   Michael Phelps ";
Quotation[3] = "\"I was with this girl the other night and from the way she was responding to my skillful caresses, you would have sworn that she was conscious from the top of her head to the tag on her toes.\" Emo Philips";
Quotation[4] = "\"For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.\"Johnny Carson";
Quotation[5] = "\"A grave is a place where the dead are laid await the coming of the medical student.\"Ambrose Bierce";
Quotation[6] = "\"If your time hasn't come, not even a doctor can kill you.\" MA Pearlstein ";
Quotation[7] = "\"At my age I do what Mark Twain did. I get my daily paper, look at the obituaries page and if I'm not there I carry on as usual.\" Patrick Moore ";
Quotation[8] = "\"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve it through not dying.\" Woody Allen";
Quotation[9] = "\"Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.\" Groucho Marx";
Quotation[10] = "\"At my age flowers scare me.\" George Burns";
Quotation[11] = "\"There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?\" Woody Allen";
Quotation[12] = "\"Death is just nature's way of telling you to slow down.\" Dick Sharples";
Quotation[13] = "\"They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.\" Garrison Kielor";
Quotation[14] = "\"The report of my death was an exaggeration.\" Mark Twain";
Quotation[15] = "\"I don't mind dying, the trouble is you feel so bloody stiff the next day.\"George Axlerod ";
Quotation[16] = "\"It's funny how most people love the dead, once you're dead you’re made for life.\"Jimi Hendrix";
Quotation[17] = "\"I don't mind dying, the trouble is you feel so bloody stiff the next day.\" George Axlerod";
Quotation[18] = "\"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff.\" Mariah Carey";
Quotation[19] = "\"Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate.\" Ambrose Bierce ";
Quotation[20] = "\"My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at?\" Margaret Smith";
Quotation[21] = "\"On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.\" Woody Allen ";
Quotation[22] = "\"I'd love to slit my mother-in-law's corsets and watch her spread to death.\" Phyllis Diller ";
Quotation[23] = "\"Picasso was a delightful, kindly, friendly, simple little man. When I met him he was extremely excited and overjoyed that his mother-in-law had just died, and he was looking forward to the funeral.\" Edith Sitwell";
Quotation[24] = "\"I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere.\" George Burns";
Quotation[25] = "\"My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.\" Ed Furgol";
Quotation[26] = "\"My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.\" Rita Rudner";
Quotation[27] = "\"When I came back to Dublin I was court-martialed in my absence and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence.\" Brendan Behan ";
Quotation[28] = "\"The court was not previously aware of the prisoner's many accomplishments. In view of these, we see fit to impose the death penalty.\" Quentin Crisp ";
Quotation[29] = "\"When you've told someone that you've left them a legacy the only decent thing to do is to die at once.\" Grouch Marx";
Quotation[30] = "\"He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.\" H.H. Munroe";
Quotation[31] = "\"I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter. \" Sir Winston Churchill";
Quotation[32] = "\"I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. \" Ian L. Fleming";
Quotation[33] = "\"I'll sleep when I'm dead.\" Warren Zevon ";
Quotation[34] = "\"Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours. \" Yogi Berra ";
Quotation[35] = "\"Dying is easy. Comedy is difficult. \" Edmund Gwenn";
Quotation[36] = "\"Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.\" Redd Foxx";
Quotation[37] = "\"Death will be a great relief. No more interviews. \" Katherine Hepburn";
Quotation[38] = "\"Certainty? In this world nothing is certain but death and taxes. \" Benjamin Franklin";
Quotation[39] = "\"Was Uncle Oscar's death very untimely, you ask? Well, it was near lunch. \" Carroll O'Connor ";
Quotation[40] = "\"To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness.\" Oscar Wilde ";
Quotation[41] = "\"Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry. \" Mark Twain";
Quotation[42] = "\"Everybody has got to die but I have always believed an exception would be made in my case. \"William Saroyan";
Quotation[43] = "\"If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button.  \" Sam Levenson";
Quotation[44] = "\"I have nothing against undertakers personally. It's just that I wouldn't want one to bury my sister.  \" Jessica Mitford";
Quotation[45] = "\"I can't die. It would ruin my image. \" Jack LaLanne";
Quotation[46] = "\"When I die, I hope they don't cremate me 'cuz I'll burn forever.  \" Harry Caray ";
Quotation[47] = "\"Death solves all problems - no man, no problem. \" Joseph Stalin";
Quotation[48] = "\"He makes a very handsome corpse and becomes his coffin prodigiously. \"Oliver Goldsmith";
Quotation[49] = "\"I want to die like my father, peacefully in his sleep, not screaming and terrified, like his passengers.  \" Bob Monkhouse";
Quotation[50] = "\"Arthur hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realised there was a contradiction there and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife.  \" Douglas Adams";
Quotation[51] = "\"It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune. \" Woody Allen";
Quotation[52] = "\"Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow! Well, good night! \" Homer Simpson ";
Quotation[53] = "\"The death of one man is a tragedy. The death of millions is a statistic.  \" Joseph Stalin";
Quotation[54] = "\"I just want to die and f#$k off to Heaven with my fillet steak.  \" Chef Gordan Ramsay";
Quotation[55] = "\"I spend money with reckless abandon. Last month I blew $5000 at a reincarnation. I got to thinking, what the hell, you only live once!  \"Ronnie Shakes";
Quotation[56] = "\"I quit flying years ago. I don't want to die with tourists.  \"Billy Bob Thornton";
Quotation[57] = "\"The only completely consistent people are the dead.  \" Aldous Huxley";
Quotation[58] = "\"On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.  \" Woody Allen";

var Q = Quotation.length;
var whichQuotation=Math.round(Math.random()*(Q-1));
function showQuotation(){document.write(Quotation[whichQuotation]);}

// ==============================================
// Copyright 2004 by CodeLifter.com
// Free for all; but please leave in this header.
// ==============================================
